As many of you know, My husband, daughter and I have been on the roller coaster called International Adoption, since late 2014. Here we are, a few years later, wind blown and weary longing for this ride to be over. But in the longing to be done it is so easy to forget to live in the now.
I am the future mother of two African boys, I am also, the current mother of one 4 year old girl.
One morning, not too long ago, that little girl snuggled up close and said, "Mama, my eyes are so tired, can we just snuggle a little longer". My phone dropped from my hands, bouncing on the blankets near my head, and I clung to my tiny little human. I pulled her face next to mine and repeated these words to myself over, and over.... "Live in THIS moment." Her tiny, squishy little cheeks against mine, her soft little breaths....this moment. This moment where SHE wants ME.
For those of you who know about Adoption, you know that at times, it is consuming! The paper work, the stress, the worry, the loneliness. It is SO easy to spend your Wait....waiting.
But As I lay there cuddling my growing girl I had a realization, she is not waiting, she is not on pause as these other things are on hold around me. SHE is here in the now, living...while I was waiting.
God had to have Barney kicked in heaven....'Finally child, you get it'
Matthew 6: 25-34-- A parable where Jesus is doing his very best to say Listen people!! I care about the birds in the sky...and you are obviously more valuable than they, stop worrying...it will get you no where.
Whatever your Wait is, Adoption, child bearing, a spouse, the search for peace....Do NOT wait in the waiting, Live...for him. You will add no more hours to your life worrying about tomorrow but instead, "seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."- Matthew 6:33 Seek him, and in your seeking, in your living...he will reveal himself to you.
The moments of clarity I experienced with my daughter were not an automatic switch in my life. I still have to make the conscious decision to live, rather than falling into the quicksand of Wait. And, If I m not careful, my foot can start to slip and before I know it....I am consumed, again.
I know how incredibly blessed I am to be going through this Wait with a community! I not only have my soft hearted husband & loving daughter but a family and loved ones who have supported us all along the way. They make the twists and turns of this coaster bearable.
I long for the day to bring our boys home, but it is not today. And I will never get a second chance at today. So for now, I will remember that all things are in his time, and right now, its time to be a mama, a wife & the servant that the Lord has called me to be. And while we live in this time God will prepare our hearts for the day when we welcome home our sons.